Moving on

Ana's last day at Abeona was Friday.

*sigh*

Elliot's last day will come at the end of July.

We had a ceremony where kids asked that we not take their sunshine away.

*lump in throat*

That night, we went for sushi, and Elliot discovered Shrimp Tempura, Oliver enjoyed his muse of noodles, and Ana relished her California Rolls. And Kevin and I held hands over hot tea, and came home trying to catch frogs under the crescent moon, and wondered at how quickly our little ones have grown.

Again and again, how many times will we have this feeling? This sad longing at these moments passing by?

8 months

Ollie is 8 months today
and I don't have the pictures
and can't pull together the words,
my heart is full.
My children, my treasures.

Oliver at 6 months

Happy 1/2 Birthday!

Oliver is 6 months old today. And what a joy of a boy.

Notable:

• You're always smiling: you're temperment is gentle and joyful.
• You hold the gaze of any who talk to you
• Crinkling your nose when you smile (it captivates)
• Easy-going: you put yourself to sleep after about 60 seconds of fussing, then suck your thumb and go to sleep
• A mama's boy...I'm yours and you're mine. You reach for me now, always gazing while nursing. If I smile, you smile...
• Vocal--"mama" and "tita" are your first words (this week!), you're always playing with sound. You love to blow raspberries while nursing. This is very funny, but can be easily misunderstood in a crowd (I'm waiting for someone to offer me some Bean-o).
• You are so durn juicy! Roll upon roll of love. That hiney is so ridiculous...I love showing off your naked parts. I'm really sorry about this.
• No one believes you're only 6 months old. You're a chunk, sturdy, aware of what's going on around you.

Milestone moments:

• You're sitting up like a champ now.
• You show no interest in crawling.
• You like being up on your feet.
• You're now eating rice cereal, sweet peas, pears, and sweet potatoes (today). You so enjoy eating and trying new flavors--first grimace, then eyebrows, then eager sucking on the spoon. While eating,we need to give you a spoon for you to suck on because you always grab the one we're feeding with.
• You have two teeth in your lower gum.
• You laugh! And are so very ticklish--on your cheeks, your tummy, little arm pits...I love kissing your neck and hears and hearing you chortle.

Your peeps:

• You look at Ana like you look at me. Likewise, she treats you like I do with the exception of nursing.
• Elliot's like your play buddy. You shriek with joy when you see him, and he begins the baby talk. "Hi Ol-ver. Hey, Baby." Sometimes he copies your behaviors (which we don't like), but quickly gets back in Big Brother role with the right direction.
• I love having the three of you in bed with me, looking at a book. Seeing the three of you together is an amazing feeling.

Coming soon, by your first birthday:

International travel, an emerging curl, and Abe0na.

Of cementing teeth

I find myself struggling with one of my fundamental parenting beliefs coming to light. I've often said, maybe too casually, that "parenting is the process of letting go of your children over time."

Easy to say when two of my young children are essentially under my direct supervision every day, as charges in the childcare center I direct. They've been right there, with me, the Fly on the Wall, who'd buzz loudly when things could be better or different.

But things are definitely changing from within, and from without. I'm gonna need someone to hold my hand.

In this, the year that I turn 35,
-My oldest daughter will go to kindergarten. There was a dawning of her growth into another phase of her childhood around her 5th birthday last December. Despite the elongating of her features, and changing of her body, it was the cake with the bold number FIVE on it that screamed to me, "She's growing up, dummy!" Every day, just growing up. Around this whole period, I've learned so much about her...looking at SO many kindergartens that just wouldn't fit. I could feel their academic preparedness squeezing the creativity, and imagination, and Ana-ness out of her. Beyond the fear of not making the right choice for my little one, there is the fear of the move into big school itself. The move away from me, my eyes, my influence. Into a space that's all about her.

-This daughter of mine has lost a tooth. And the one next to it is wiggling. This was the tooth we watched grow a millimeter at a time. The one we celebrated, photographed, showed off, and brushed...the lone inhabitant of her gummy baby grin. I would rather her have cavities, I think, than proudly display the whole in her smile where her "baby tooth" used to be.

-My youngest boy, our wonderful surprise, has a tooth coming up in the same spot where Ana's jus fell out. And the tooth next to it is crowning. This is the tooth that we are watching grow, one millimeter at a time. The one we will celebrate, and photograph, show off and brush...the lone inhabitant of his gummy baby grin. *Sigh* Do you see where this is all leading?

-And my son Elliot, our lover and our fighter, will likely go to a program for 4 year-olds. He will be placed with typical 4 year old children in a school with a special needs preschool, in case he struggles too much. His teachers will have his IEP, and I'm to trust that it will be implemented. I will put him in the car, and I will bring him to his classroom, and I will leave him there for the day. Hopefully, someone will tell me what kind of day he had, what he learned, what therapies were implemented, if he made a friend. And I'm to trust that he is treated with compassion, that he will not be teased or harmed, that when he's stuck, someone will help him. When he can't hear, someone will notice. When he is sad, someone will care. The drive away from this place? I don't think I can make. I think I will be in the bushes, or apply to be the cafeteria lady. Almost everything I've done since Elliot has been about Elliot. And now, there he goes. And please don't tell me he'll be fine. And please don't tell me "parenting is slowly letting go of your children," because I won't be able to control my tongue. I don't know if I can let that baby go. I really really don't.

So what do I do, when cementing their teeth won't change this: they are growing, and moving slowly away from me. There is a hole in my smile.

A milestone a minute

Oliver is now sitting up with minimal wobble and the occasional face plant.
And a new tooth is budding from below!

The camera died, so just close your eyes and imagine!

Dem rolls

Ana says when goo-goo-ing Ollie, and pinching his chubs:

These biscuits just have too much dough, yes they do!
They are just too much for me, little guy.
I think I need some butta!

Oliver is 4 months old!

Oh my!

It's been 4 amazing months of getting to know Oliver, and it's been such fun.

He is round, soft, solid, hairy, still slightly floppy (esp. those ears), giggly, babbly fun!

The epitome of Happy Bouncing Boy is he...generally in a great mood, full of smiles. Lately his exuberence for us overtakes him, and he grunts, smiles, and buries his head in our chests. Such a love!

All of Ana's loving gestures, and sweet talk has paid off too. He lights up when she enters the room. He's still trying to figure out Brother El, who sweetly coos then pokes him in the eye.

Peekaboo!

Fine motor skills are coming, as you swipe; gross motor skills look great (you're so solid!), as you work to sit up and get in airplane pose while on your tummy.

A whole new world of eating was introduced on Sunday when you had your first taste of rice cereal. Three infant spoonfuls, and you were crashing hard. I guess it's the equivalent of a porterhouse steak to one so small.

But I ordered booby.

Stats from your doctor visit:

19 lbs. 3 oz (95%ile)

27" long (95%ile)

I can't wait to see what the next month brings!

If I could get off of Facebook, maybe

I'd blog about my son, Oliver:

• Saying "doo" and "goo." Those pursed lips are really darlin.
• Rolling over from tummy to back. Surprise smile to see the world turn upside-down suddenly.
• Getting a tooth? Tiny blister on the lower right.
• Sitting up with fists boring into the floor.
• getting cuter every day, if that's possible. What a doll.

One month update

It's hard to believe that you're one month old already, Oliver. The time has flown by, but we've enjoyed very minute of you. To me, you're such a calm little guy, but then again, my only job right now is you, and I'm thoroughly wrapped up in you. Dare I say, the phrase, Why not four? has come up. (Referrals to mental health agencies welcome. And urologists for that up-and-coming snip, right Kev???).

Exciting developments- Now that you're a month old, your eyes are open more and more.

Elliot's observation: His eyes open now! I think somewhere in there, he's been afraid that you'd only sleep and eat forever. We love seeing those big brown eyes. Your "whites" are still slighty yellow from the jaundice that the ped. promises will leave in a couple more weeks.

You LOVE to nurse, and are never far from me. Your feeding cue: a throat-clearing kind of noise that you do continually until your needs are met. We really enjoy replicating that around the house.

When you get frustrated, your first bellow turns you beet-red; you typically calm yourself down within a short period, which always surprises and impresses us.

You're not sleeping during mealtime as much, but you are sleeping quite a bit. Night-time is a blur to me still...you sleep with us most nights. I don't notice if it's been a "good" or "bad" night...just feed you while I sleep if need be, and catch up on zzzzs during the day. Maternity leave is such a luxury, and I try to enjoy each day that I'm home with you.

You smile in your sleep and we all crowd around to see if another will come. Sometimes you get a "superfrown" or as Tita calls them: cucharitas (little spoons). Those are fun too, as I wonder what you could be thinking of to evoke such a sad, sad reaction--a world without breasts? John McCain as President?

Elliot greets you with "Hello, little guy" with a voice that is so sugary sweet. Ana plays mama with, "Hello, my sweetheart." She's now brimming with ideas of what you could be for Halloween. Don't worry, I'll protect you(-; Her favorite behavior of yours: rooting until you find skin, especially if it's our cheeks and noses.

I love seeing your poses with those mitts: both hands over head (stick-em-up style), mitts over eyes, or mitt-to-mitt as you lie on your side. I pose around the house with our fingers stuck together in "mitt poses." I guess it's the opposite of Spirit Fingers.

I'd forgotten how much little babies bring people together. Perfect strangers say hello, or want to peek at you. My favorite is when ladies bless you...as in "God bless you and your baby. "

It makes me wonder if we need to horde those blessings given so freely in our early years for later use. The world becomes less kind as we grow older, but couldn't we all use some blessings, given from folks who don't know anything of us but that we exist. Still they wish for us, these other perfect strangers, that things will go smoothly, that we will be healthy and loved, and that our needs will be met? Well, for now, my boy, I can assure you of those things, but only for this brief period. And I plan on cherishing every moment that I can shield you from everything else.

Anarchists Group, Hands Not Mitts, Strikes Again!

Revolutionaries known as Hands Not Mitts struck again!

Led by front man, known only by his first name, Elliot,

this so-called liberation group, disarmed another unknowing infant:

There is no confirmation as to why this specific infant has been targeted almost to exclusion of all others over the last two weeks. And while Hands, Not Mitts does not make its organizational goals known, it's suspected that there is an underlying belief that one should be free to explore with ones hands. With this strong photographic evidence, the cute culprit is sure to be caught.

What else is there

to the day than watching you drift into dreams as you nuzzle my breast, holding you with one arm and smelling your sweet intoxicating almond-breath, anticipating that hearty belch, then falling into sleep myself with you curled up right there, face glazed with milk?

One week update, To Go

Oliver is a lover, and a hungry one at that! Super cute, huge cheeks with a pointly little chin in the middle of those jowls. Looks like a sharpe puppy after eating (one ear actually looks like it flops down). He has a freckle (kissing spot) on his head (in his widows peak), and what might be a dimple in each cheek. He's got infant-fuzz on his shoulders, hi-nee, and legs, and gorgeous toes.

Big sister has become the little mama. She burps him, holds him everytime he's awake, and speaks in motherease-What's goin' on, little fellow? Whatcha doin' lil guy? Hi there, my baby. mama's here, mama's here.

Elliot is protective and ready for action: That's MY brother. Play with ME. That's for Oliver. Where's the baby? Hey, baby (in a high voice), Good night baby, I love you, Oliver. Tonight he wanted to nurse and get some of that milk himself, funny fellow. Ready to be the big brother, but still very much the baby of the house.

Pictures of children together tomorrow, maybe. This was supposed to be a quickpost.

One week pediatrician visit today:
When we left hospital, he was 8 lb, 9 oz.
Today, he's getting closer to his birth weight at 9 lbs. 5.5 oz.
21 inches long
75 %ile for height and head size (yay!);
90 %ile for weight (no surprise there).

He's mighty yellow, so we took him to have a heel-prick bilirubin screen; his level is 16.5? In the 18-25 range, they recommend solar blankets, and possible breast-milk hiatus. Right now, he's been prescribed 30 minutes of sunlight per day (shirtless, no less).

And mama:
Loving time with baby!
Feeling so sore around incision (day 2 in hospital was as good as it gets. Now I'm really feeling it), and hobbling around like a granny;
Wanting desparately to poop (as usual for me, post-bebe);
Clogged duct/infected nipple (yes, it's still hurts like a mutha after 2);
Everything is fitting looser--clothes, shoes, rings
Frustrated by human frailty. I want to be back to 100%. Need reminding regularly to get off my feet, slow down, and chill. I'm grateful for the support from Mom, Kevin, Gigi, and kids.

I love this special time, and want to enjoy every minute of it. I remember how it was cut short with Elliot and that little storm three years back...and how I felt like I lost a big chunk of his baby-hood. I don't want to miss a thing.

Welcome, OIiver!

Oliver Patrick

born September 18, 2008

7:22 am

9 pounds, 7 ounces

more to come soon...