Giving Thanks

I'm so grateful for our daily life in a relatively peaceful corner of the world, where we want not for food, or shelter. May we continue to work for justice, as we recognize the bounty of our lives.

I'm grateful for the people in it.

• For the treasures that my Ana brings me that I'd walk past without notice: the cap of an acorn, a wild weed of amazing construction, a leaf shaped like a heart, a tiny shell in the middle of a cityscape and a story explaining how it got there. Life is so rich from your perspective. You are full of verve.
• For the sweetness of Elliot: tight-tight hugs, making sweet eyes, loving every person who comes your way, feeling sad when they leave, and sometimes loving someone who doesn't deserve it. You have the power to transform, Elliot. And you just crawled out of your crib at naptime to my chagrin, and pride. Good job, Mr. E.
• For the round-tummied, floppy-eared perfection of Oliver. We're so grateful to have you here this Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to a lifetime of them.
• For my wonderful husband full of humor and joie de vivre. Thank you for helping me learn to give and receive love, and not take anything too seriously. Everyday with you is a fun adventure.
• For my amazing mom, who is a friend and confidante, and a joy to share our lives with.
• For my friends, mostly women, who inspire me with their courage, kindness, creativity and daily work. And who listen tolerantly to my anxieties and struggles about parenting, who smile supportively through my bragging, who judge me not as a stumble, or misspeak. Who drop off photos of our family, and old magazines with banana bread, or bags of granola on my desk at work, or encouraging comments on my blog. I'm inspired by this network of support, and so often find myself adapting your perspectives to give myself permission to drink that beer, or take that week before maternity leave, or stop obsessing over a kindergarten for my kids.

Life is so abundant. I don't feel I can ever keep up with the thankyous.

6 years ago

Yesterday was mine and Kevin's SIX YEAR ANNIVERSARY. Thinking of all that's happened since we took our vows on that beach in Roatan makes my head spin. Life has been full, and dizzying, and now, here we are.

I can't imagine my journey of parenting with anyone else. I'm amazed by Kevin's humor, grace, and calm, and I have seen myself grow so much just from working to enjoy each day we have together. I feel so lucky to share my life with someone who challenges me to be my best self just from being around him.

But, as much as I love our Pininos, Kevin and I desparately need to reconnect as a couple. We were married but 4 months when I became pregnant with Ana, and it's been the Kentucky Derby ever since. This past week, I've been longing for the couple we were during our 4 year courtship...spontaneous love notes on my car windshield, eating mangoes to Stevie Wonder in a steamy apartment, long walks on the beach with no sense of time, traveling to paradise a couple of times a year and skinny-dipping in waterfalls, laying out under the stars saying nothing.

That kind of romance hasn't been forgotten. It's been replaced with everyday acts of love and thoughfulness in the context of our happily nutty home. But I miss my husband. Just my husband. For our anniversary post, I could find only ONE picture of just the two of us, and it was grainy and bad, and taken on our last anniversary. This when I have at least a thousand pics stored. That says something... I want to go scuba diving on a beach somewhere, and enjoy his high-jinx at 60 feet, stumble back to a porch with some Bob Marley playin and drink some terrible local beer that's at least cold, and talk for hours, uninterrupted, and then sleep in, until someone knocks with a plate of fresh mango and pineapple, and it all starts again..don't get me started.

Because we don't have a picture

But ya, know, I'd settle for just going for a walk together. And that is something that we can manage to do. That's where we are at this 6 year point. Recommiting to each other, committing to finding each other and making our relationship with each individual a priority. We are not that starry-eyed couple who married that day at sunset...we've grown and changed and are so different now. But we still have starry-eyes, and I believe they shine more brightly. I just want some time to look in them.

Resisting the Urge

to breakdown and cry, kicking and screaming
after touring yet another school
that seems terrified at the prospect of
A Child with Special Needs.

Is it too much to ask that my children go to the same school?

On the drive home, this is what I read in the Information Packet:
X does not provide special education services or facilities.
THe administration reserves the right to determine if the academic program of the school is appropriate for the needs of the individual child and may make minor adjustments in the school's education program to attempt to accommodate whatever special needs a student may have. If the principal determines that these minor adjustments have not resulted in satisfactory accommodation of the program to the special needs of the individual child, and that it is in the best interests of the school and teh child that he/she be placed in a more appropriate learning environment, then the principal may ask the parent to withdraw the student from X.

What did you just read? I just read that it's just SO damn inconvenient to have a child that doesn't fit right into that cookie shaped mold. I wish this was unique to this one place, but everywhere I go, when I ask about a child with special needs, I'm met with the same fear and controlled panic.

And instead of feeling like they don't know what they're missing (they don't), and that I don't want a school that doesn't want us (I don't), I'm beginning to feel hopeless. That there is no place for both my children, no place where the lessons of diversity include ability. I'm feeling less like I can work to revolutionize inclusion, and more despair, and I am praying for the strength to fight, because I have a lot of fighting ahead of me.

Where do we belong?

Elliot's eye surgery

Elliot survived:

• 2 weeks without dirt--backyard play, sand, etc.
• 2 weeks without a proper bath
• 2 weeks without AbeonaHouse outdoor time
• 2 weeks home with mom (leaving school at 11 each day)

Mom survived the fear that water or dirt or sand in his eye could result in loss of his vision. What a living hell that was.

And it was worth it. His left eye shows no sign of overstrain, and his right eye is moving slightly, but he's self-adjusting. The danger of his eyes moving independently was that his eyes would communicate to the brain to ignore the input of either eye, rendering it useless. As a result, Elliot is moving well, and it appears his depth perception is more accurate. We're keeping our eyes on it, and will see the good doctor again in January, and again 6 months post-op.

And speaking of the good doctor, I finally had to ask the man (at 7:20 for a 4:20 appointment) what the problem is with these appointments (we've waited between 2-3 hours at each visit). He was sheepish, and clearly embarassed to be told about his persistent problem. I really love this man...he's knowledgeable and exceptional, and I love how much he obviously loves kids. Besides, he's one of two pediatric opthamologists in town. And we've tried the other one. Punctual, but sucked. How long wouldn't we wait for our child's eyes? I'm wondering when we'll say enough is enough.

In the meantime, it's hard to stay angry, when I look in my sons eyes. Thank you, Dr. E.

Oliver at Two Months!

The smiles have come, and we are all so charmed with this little guy.

Olive at two months is chubby as can be, with a shock of black spiky hair on top of his head.

His ears are big, and often smushed by his shoulders when they're up by his shoulders (reminded of random Christmas paegent song--"the lamb with the curly horn?").

Oliver loves his bath, and is quiet, wide-eyed and keenly aware of what's happening at this time.

He's as fat as a tick, and already into his 3-6 month clothes.

I am loving each moment of him, and am longing for my other two when they were tiny. I don't think I knew what I was doing enough to fully appreciate and enjoy them when they were this small. I'm to return to work in 3 weeks, and am already missing him.

Health news:

Our doctor's visit:

23.5 " long (75% for height)

13 lbs. 13 oz (90% for weight)

pneumo/HibHepB vax

I mentioned to Dr. Hales my concern that one eye appears smaller (and the tear duct appears deeper) than the other. The other eye appears to have a clogged tear duct (which Ana had and outgrew at 1 yr.). Tonight (after a 3 hour wait for El's eye doctor!!!) I asked the ped. ophtamologist about it. He says there's no cataract (which can happen when there's asymmetry), and he'll check on it at 6 months, but that most babies outgrow this initial disproportion.

Here's to looking in those eyes without worry.

Election Day

What's the reason I've been cooking for 2 days straight? Tonight we will feast like kings, and hope that tomorrow we're not eating humble pie. I cannot wait to hear the official news that Barack Obama is our next president.

How many times have I voted against someone instead of adamantly FOR a candidate? No, I didn't drink the Kool-Aid, and don't believe that Obama or any person is infallible. But he is someone I can believe in, and despite the fact that he is an Al-Qaeda operative, an "angry black man raging against America," a tax and spend liberal, a Muslim, an Arab, and generally, someone who "is different than the rest of us," I voted with great enthusiasm last Thursday, with my baby and daughter in tow, from an auditorium sandwiched between two acquaintances (one I went to h.s. with, another whom I'd worked with) with drastically different world views, and I enjoyed every minute of marking his name. I just wish I could do it again today!

And of course, the history of African-Americans is not my own, so please forgive me for welling up watching Obama vote for himself from a gym in Chicago. What an amazing moment in our nation's history, and for each of us who cast a vote for Obama. I can't help but think of his grandma, and wish she'd hung around for just one more day. It's not the end of our race problems in this country, but it's a good start.

Will this be a history-making election should John McCain become the oldest president, and Sarah Palin become the first female VP? For the life of me, I just don't see the she-devil as a woman. She doesn't represent our interests: a woman's right to choose, the right of every child to a quality education, health care for all, equal pay for equal work...if the Republican ticket wins, it will not be a victory for women. Or at least not this woman.

Enjoy voting today, and hope for the best.

Elliot follow-up

My internet is acting up, so email is not the best way to get in touch with me these days. I've managed to steal a few moments while the server is up...

Elliot is doing GREAT! Kevin and I both claim to see marked improvements in how he moves his body, and uses his eyes. He's been cooperative in not rubbing his eyes, in the nightly applications of ointment on the eyes, and not being able to take a bath or stay at school past 11. This kid is such a champ, guys. I don't know what he's made of, but he consistently impresses me with his spirit.

I'm really enjoying my time with him while Ana's at school. He and I were in desperate need of a "retreat" together. I'd been struggling with him in the months leading up to Ollie, and the month immediately after. But it seems we're over the hump, and Elliot appears to be in another developmental spurt.

I'm a bit behind, with Halloween, Ollie's 6 week update. We'll see if I get around to that.