To the Third Graders at St. Peter's

Elliot is now 4 years old! He is doing amazingly, no doubt because of all the love and prayers said on his behalf.

He's riding a bicycle now, and that is a big deal. For 1.5 years, his been working with a therapist to gain the strength and balance to pedal. They started on a big wheel, and she'd sit on a wheeled stool facing Elliot with her hands on his feet. And in this way she would pedal his feet as he pushed her stool around the halls of Children's Hospital. Then, they moved on to velcro straps around his feet. Finally, one day Elliot grabbed a big wheel at home and said, "DOn't push me. I want to do it myself." And in few slow painful pedals, he'd moved! We couldn't believe it!

It's funny how blessings come. When Elliot started at a new school this fall, I was disappointed because they had a huge yard with no playground equipment. I tried to get together with the school leadership to apply for money for this. They seemed discouraged by the hard work required (they should take a page from Elliot's book!), and so it didn't happen. In their yard, all that's available are tons of trikes and a couple of swings. But guess what: I'm sure the extra daily practice with these bikes made all the difference with Elliot. And he might not have made these moves with the play equipment I thought so necessary.

Moving onto the taller bike was scary for El. It's a longer way to fall, and that's scary for a child with balance issues! But here he is on his Thomas bike, and let me tell you: If you're on the sidewalk when he's ridin, better get out the way. The boy is now quite fast. And is he proud! He smiles the whole way, laughs when the wind is in his hair...He stops when their is a crack in the sidewalk that he knows will knock him down. Stops at the street intersections...

The bike is great for him. Not only does he develop strength and balance, he has to use his eyes to coordinate his movements. Elliot's eyes have been trouble for some time. They cross when he tries to lock them in front of him, and they also wander up and down. All of this can confuse the brain, and so, over time, it will learn to ignore what one of the eyes is seeing, resulting in partial blindness. Next week, we will have Elliot's second surgery on these tiny eye muscles to help them work more accurately. Like always, we are hopeful that this small step could mean big growth for this amazing champion of a boy.

We have never forgotten you, and are happy you haven't forgotten us. Before you become 4th graders, we promise to make a visit.

I hope your year is going well for you.

With love,

Emmy (on Elliot's behalf)

35

It's been a year and so much has changed and so much is the same.

My brother who spent my last birthday calling me from the psych ward is gone now.  Twice today the phone rang with male well-wishers who I thought might be him, even before I'd read this old post.  Funny, because he never really acknowledged my birthday, but I thought about him and talked about him quite a bit today.  And I missed him, the him I knew, the him I would miss...not the him that he was at the end of his life.  But I am sad nonetheless when I think of him.

And Elliot will have another eye surgery in a couple of weeks...just like we were awaiting last year.  It's fascinating to look back at these posts...otherwise, I don't think I'd have a clue when all of these events happen.

How's my birthday going?  Well, I woke up this morning and had a complete meltdown after the 10th "Mommy, mommy" requesting something.  Despite the lovely cake and many surprises...I'm reaching the edge of my capacity for this life of glorified servitude, and need to make a concerted effort to dedicate time for my own needs and desires.  The necessity of that was never more obvious to me than after my over-reaction to my daughter's own meltdown about her school clothes.  As I drove to Elliot's field trip, I asked myself several times, "Why are you even going to this thing?  Spend today on you, crazy woman."  And then I looked in my rearview mirror, where I could see Elliot talking about the things he saw through the window, and knew that his first ride on a school bus, and his big smile would be better salve for my soul than any foot rub I could buy.  So I went on with the plan, to ride over to the pumpkin patch, and saw in so many smiles of these children that their joy can be so easily transfered, and that I should receive it, so genuinely given, as the true joy of my life...being around children, my own and others...

I need to strike a balance between the routines of giving, seemingly endless, between work, and home...and my own desires to do so very much--to volunteer, chaperone, build that puzzle, go on the play date, plan the party, paint the picture, blah, blah, blah...and just be, by myself, and be still.  I need this time to tap into my own wishes and desires, to grieve for my brother, to plan with my husband, to dream for my children, to listen to myself, and love who I see, inadequate but hopeful.

And in this same stillness, I hope to find the capacity to give more...to enjoy my parents as they enter the last stage of their lives, and to be more present to all of the love that surrounds my daily life through friendships, family, and community.  My best birthday gift today was my cousin Becky telling me that she and her 3 siblings all consider me a sibling...this, when I've lately felt so much like the only child...I have so much in this exuberant, crazy life that is so perfect in it's dysfunction.  And I am grateful for it all.  I want the calm of mind to enjoy it all...that is my birthday wish.

Top Ten from Austin

10.  The mexican freetail bats emerging at dusk from under Congress Avenue Bridge.

9.  Zilker Botanical Gardens.

7.  Watching Ana create two items out of glass.

6.  Great shopping!

5. A late, debaucharous (sp?) night of dancing with a skirt that was too short, with no concerns whatsoever.

4.  Witnessing Becky and Jon marry.  Beginning a life together is a big deal.

3.  Seeing my 75 year-old dad in a tuxedo for the first time (he gave away the bride), and asking him to dance.  Damn, he's pretty smooth.

2.  Watching my daughter recite a poem (below) during toasts in front of 100 people.  She's so brave, and I am tremendously proud.  4 days with her was such a tremendous gift.

1. Coming home to my 2 sweet boys, and my honey of a husband.

***
In poems, our earth's wonders
Are windowed through
Words
A good poem must haunt the heart
And be heeded by the head of the
Hearer
With a wave of words, a poet can
Change his feelings into cool, magical, mysterious
Mirages
Without poetry our world would be
Locked within itself--no longer enchanted by the poet's
Spell





Peter Keslo



****

Report Card Time!

It's been almost a month since the kids started school, and here's the lowdown.

Public School
Administrative Clarity: D+

• Student Eval didn't take place when it was scheduled.
• Twice over the summer Elliot's enrollment was questioned (Did you get a letter? Are you sure he's coming here?)
• When the student eval *did* happen, his enrollment was questioned, and his IEP was not there. The (+) comes into play because the group rolled with the eval (assuming the error was their's, not ours).
• Principal was inaccessible for at least one week.
• Orientation was poorly organized and showed a lack of understanding of the needs of young children: It was called "Parent Orientation." Children were there. We asked if we should go bring our child. We were told to do so. While Kevin went to collect Elliot, I sat through a meeting about first day logistics where the children sat or drove their parents crazy. I did not particularly enjoy getting a snapshot into this wide range of parenting styles. By the time Elliot arrived, orientation was over. Children had not been introduced to their teachers or classrooms. Nary a crayon on a table to occupy them. Did not look good.

Sense of Community for families: D/F

• I got a good taste of a thriving happy community at Open House for the K-6 program. Sadly, there have been no opportunities for pre-K parents to meet each other, and connect, especially now that friendships and relationships have been formed.
• Unintentional relationships are growing through drop off and pick up, but honestly, that's mostly a function of Elliot, who runs to hug each child and say "Good Morning," to silent clusters of parents.
• It's an amazing school community there, but I don't think they realize how to engage, and connect parents...it might be a little threatening. There's definitely a guarded involvement (through fundraisers for example), but nothing really authentic.
• There's kind of that "You need us, we don't need you" feeling...instead of being treated like a customer...and while some folks don't have a choice of what school will educate their child, it's everyone's choice to bring their child there each day. We should all be treated in such a manner.

Curriculum: A+

• I've got to hand it to his teachers--the curriculum is developmentally appropriate, exciting, and provoking. Hands-on learning is evident from the nature of his homework assignments: look for examples of your favorite color in magazines and cut them out. Determine (after reading Goldilocks) if each bed in your home is Small, Medium, or Large, and if it's Soft, Hard, or Just Right. No worksheets, but a few days ago, Elliot wrote his first "A."
• Parents receive a weekly newsletter with details about what's being studied, requests for connections with the home, like family pictures, a list of the week's homework (which I REALLY appreciate having in advance), questions to ask your child to make connections, and explanations of how do develop independence (have your child take his folder in and out of his bag. Have your child place his bag in the same place in your home each day).
• I am SO very relieved that the poorly planned orientation didn't reflect how well the teachers understand what kids need and respond to.
• I really want to deduct points for a crappy yard with no climbing equipment and no animals. I feel like the teachers do the most they can with what they have...

Least Restrictive Environment: A+

• I am confident that the objectives of Elliot's IEP are being met.
• He has a special ed aide with him in the typical classroom, helping him as needed. He is not "pulled out" except for a couple of therapies weekly. He's mostly with his peers, and it's evident through his development of friends, that HE is experiencing a sense of community, and feels very happy.

Teachers: B

• I believe his teachers are exceptional. I wish there was more involvement/volunteerism allowed: parents are relegated to entry points ONLY. I don't know if this is a school policy, or reflective of the teachers' comfort level.
• I am communicated with daily about his day through a notebook. His special ed teacher and I write longer notes to each other back and forth. His teacher has given me her cell phone number.
• His teachers are cheerful, and appear to love what they do. They all seem likeable as well.

Overall, my goal for moving Elliot to this program was for him to understand how to apply the lessons of our intimate AH to a larger setting with greater expectations for behavior, and more teacher-directed experiences. I wanted him to receive his services within one environment (as opposed to shuttling him around town all week). We want Elliot to be in an inclusive kindergarten, if he seems ready, and this larger pre-K seemed like the next natural step. I feel good about having him at Haxel Park. He's happy, enjoying learning, creating friendships, and he is well-cared for and loved. This move has been a definite step out of my comfort zone, but I understand better why parents of special needs children who are able to afford small private programs opt for the public school. There is a strong awareness of what the child's needs are, how they can be met, and the understanding that these are part of Elliot's fundamental rights to receive them. I don't know where we'll be next year, but I feel good about where we are today. And Elliot does too!

Private School

Administrative Clarity: C

• Having worked hard to learn the Art of the Parent Guide, I have to say, I was less than impressed at how confusing this first introduction to Ana's new kinder was: the information was alphabetized!? Is there first thing you want to learn about your child's school "Aftercare?" Random charts with no headers? In general, I became more confused as I read. Less than impressive.
• There are so many events, I'm not sure what's important and what's just social. It's actually quite dizzying. In the span of two weeks, there were at least 3 parent events at night. I don't know if this slows as the school year pace becomes familiar, but for someone who usually needs to get a babysitter, it would be helpful to know what's critical.
• Too many room parents, liaisons, helpers, board members, administrators have the password to the electronic "push page." I receive far too many notices in my email box...it's getting noisy. They need a better communication plan to sharpen the reception.

Sense of Community for families: A+

• Parent involvement is highly encouraged, in indirect and direct ways. I've already done a lesson on hand-washing, and have plans to show pictures from Madagascar since the class has some new cockroaches.
• Families are encouraged to be inclusive: invite all the kids in the class, or just one of them. Don't leave kids out.
• There are a number of social events (see above) to meet and greet to your heart's content.
• Parents receive a "Facebook" with pictures of all the kindergarteners and teachers in the PMK for the purpose of planning playdates. Love that idea.
• There is the feeling that the teachers know you, know your child, and want your child to succeed.

Curriculum: A+

• Intriguing. It's both rigorous and easy at the same time: Ana's reciting real poems, learning French phrase work, shapes of lips for phonemes (THAT is some crazy but fascinating stuff there), keyboarding, clock reading, intense math...with real expectations (higher than mine might have been?) that she is meeting.
• Classic. She's learning songs that every kid should know--Camptown Races, When the Saints Go Marching In, Swinging on a Star, Hit the Road Jack! She has to run long distances each day. She has to file into the atrium to beautiful music everyday.
• PMK- Every afternoon, the kindergarten has a whole building dedicated to "centers"--collage, printmaking, a science lab, a building room, a reading loft, chess, puppetry...what a nice way to finish a rigorous day.
• Library--The library has to be the most impressive in the city. I love that my child can take home all she can carry each Friday. Her first week she chose a book for each member of the family. I LOVE that the schools policies reflect the value of literacy.

Teachers: A+

• Innovative, Research-driven approaches. Each parent receives a guide to their approaches entitled, "Everything about Teaching and Learning in Room 4." It explains the how and the why of everything that is done. Way to include parents in on the purpose.
• Ms. M1ller has been doing this for so long, as evidenced by the calm control she has...love that her eyes sparkle as she talks about it all. She loves what she does. She's stricter than many CD teachers--which I like.
• There's a bunny that hops around her room. Did I say that already? I LOVE that.

Overall, Ana has yet to have a bad day of school. She comes home shining and tired (and sometimes surly when I ask too many questions). She loves her school, speaks with it passionately, is excited by the Middle Ages, the transmission of sounds, the vibrations our lips make when we pronounce certain letters, drawing on the computer, endangered animals, estimating seeds, the song of the day, chess, and marble runs. She's just happy. And what else could a mama want?

And, while I won't hold it against either school--just for the record, why? gift wrap and chocolate???

Oliver is ONE!

How the time has flown with you, my littlest love!

Since you arrived in our hustle and bustle house, I've realized that our table was certainly missing you. Your sweet smile, and your intense gazes have brought a love we didn't know we were missing. Thank you, Oliver.

You're a boy, through and through, and love to wrestle, move, play with big body movements, and dance to music! My favorite thing you do is using objects under your hands to "cruise" on the ground instead of crawl. You go pretty darn fast on your homemade wheels too!

You love strumming the guitar, or trying to get the harmonica to sound, shaking a maraca or pounding the drum. You bounce to the slightest hint of music, and I see your lips moving slightly as if you're learning the lyrics.

It's impossible to get you to read a book. You'd much rather chew on books (which someone shared with me is a *critical* part of early literacy. It cracks me up!) than read them.

You like to pretend you're talking on the phone. With a phone. A remote. Anything that has buttons. And your babbling is loud and squaky. All the time, except when you're pursing your lips like a bird and OOohh-OOohhh-ing.

The other day, we saw some friends walking down Oak St, and I rolled down the car window. Ana called out to them, "Hello!" As we drove away, you waved your hand and hollered too. It's mostly like this when we are laughing, talking loudly, or relaying a story. You make your contribution to the general din of noise, and smile broadly.

You're as big as an ox, and in so many ways, we never had a baby period. You're so tremendously easy, sleeping from 6 to 6, fuss free, and honestly, I might remember a couple of weeks since you were born when that hasn't been the case. I'm so grateful for your easy going brightness. It reminds me of your dad, whom I love so dearly for his sweet and easy ways.

You have some words, especially "Mama" and "Dada". "Ana" is a new one. Ms. Gwen also heard you say "Snacktime..." not surprisingly(-; You repeat many sounds that we work to say, and read our lips so intently. I see you working up to "Elliot" and am pretty sure you're saying "Tita" to her delight. She's absolutely CRAZY about you, and we have to remind her not to pick you up constantly or rescue you from every cry. And when you see her, you're diving from our arms. Yes, that Tita has some good love.

You're passionate, and love to grab our faces with your two hands and

Your hair has curled and your ears are straightening a little, sadly. You're rolly polly, but up on those feet almost all the time now. We keep waiting for those walking days as you work up the courage to take 3-5 steps here and there.

You're so sweet and easy, Ollie, it's misleading...easy to get lulled into a false sense that all babies are this way. Thank you for being just who you are. We're enjoying every minute with you.

Lines we like at night

Shadows are waltzing,
Moonlight is calling

The miracle of your love found me

--from your sleepy Jewel lullaby CD...I'm SO grateful for how much you boys like it.

When you wake, you shall have
All the pretty little horses.

--I just like thinking about my kids waking up to horses.

All by myself I have to go
With none to tell me what to do-
All alone beside the streams
And up the mountainsides of dreams.
--from the Land of Nod (What DO they dream about??? There AWAKE time is SO fantastic!)

The stars around you gleam,
On you I press
With soft caress
A little lovely dream.
++++
My little angels, such small lumps swallowed up in the bigness of the bed and blankets...your sweet long lashes on your rosy chubby cheeks...bits of heaven here on earth.

Thoughts from bedtime

School has certainly wiped out my previous sleep-hold outs. I'm grateful that Ana and Elliot sleep well with less fuss these days. Still napless on weekends, but in bed for 8 is a good thing.

But my Olive, well, I almost wish you weren't such a "good" baby. You're in bed most nights at 6 pm. This means we have a good 30 minutes together--and that's not really time for lovin. It's feeding you (as you cry from exhaustion), bathing you (as you cry from exhaustion) and putting you in your crib ( where you lie down fuss free and sleep). Mornings are a no-go--you're sleeping from 6 to 6, when our morning circus starts. And of course, at school, I'm hiding so you aren't derailed by occasional sightings of me. I MISS YOU. And despite being a bit overwhelmed with work since I've been sick, I may just have to take your birthday off this Friday, and go to the zoo with you. (Shhh! Don't tell anyone. Except maybe dad).