On the job training

For those of you following our potty-training wars, there is great news. Ana is making significant gains in this area...and Mom is too. Two weeks of random chaos has helped me do what I've always known would help: BACK OFF. GIVE HER SPACE AND LOVE. I've been the one in the driver's seat of the potty train for so long, all the time admitting full well that this basic bodily function is the most fundamental means of control small children exert over themselves. The crazy part- I've known that backing off would do just that. I just haven't been able to. Sad, isn't it?

Why is behavior change so damned difficult? Even when we know it's the right, or healthy, or necessary, we resist. I've resisted-- and let my frustration and disappointment become a part of the potty equation.

All I can think now is how sorry I am for not being more objective, and supportive to you, my Ana. And all I can hope for is that I really learn this lesson over the next years, so that when your tendency will be to pull away, and rebel, I am able to see you, and see you struggling, and find patience, and give you the unconditional love that I will always have for you.

There are still potty mishaps, but the war is over. I'm not doing battle over soiled panties and car seats and sofas anymore. I believe in my daughter, and she'll get this. And if she doesn't, that's ok too.

Parenting is so damn hard. How many more mirrors to ourselves can we have in our lives? Marriage itself presents the opportunity and challenge to truly see who we are, and how we communicate, and handle problems, and express and receive love. With parenting, I find the same struggles, as well as removing expectations of what we thought life would be, and enjoy the lessons that our daily lives present. I want to enjoy these lessons, but sometimes feel so overwhelmed with the inconvenience with them(-; That's just hilarious to write. I've heard of school of thought that believes that in the first draft of writing comes the truth. The rest is just B.S. I'm tempted to delete what I just wrote, but I think it's the honest, selfish truth.

God, please give me the patience and love to learn from my daily life. I'm so grateful for all that you've put into it: my beautiful family, my work, my friendships, and community.