A week ago today

A week ago, in about 30 minutes, Mom called me and told me you were dead. That you'd killed yourself.

I stared blankly at the wall. I wokr up Kevin. I thought about my work appointment--I was so numb to you that I actually thought to myself I would run home, then meet those folks at 7. I fed the baby, changed clothes, and drove over.

There were three big fire trucks driving away from the house very slowly when I arrived.

I thought I would throw up.

As I waslked up the driveway, the cops scrambled, and quickly closed the garage.

I then heard mom and dad tell over and over what had happened. Over and over how you must have been hanging there while mom ate her breakfast. Over and over how dad cut you down. He must've had to take off the tape to do CPR. I didn't think of that til just now.

I know you're at rest now, and felt some peace at the service Monday. I can't take this painful end out of my head though.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you more that I love you, that you are a good person, that I'm sorry life is so painful for you. i'm sorry you felt so hopeless. I'm sorry I felt so hopeless about you.