A bit whipped.

I don't know how long I can keep up this pace I've set for myself-

These days, I'm working 7-2:30 (feeding, pumping, & the rest of it beforehand). I used to sleep until 8 (bless Kevin for making breakfast) so this is a big change.

All in all, I like getting out so early, but with the preschool full of children until our oldest ones go to camp, I'm taking my two home when I leave at 2:30...preparing snack, planning an afternoon of activities--usually including some art experience, some science experience, one walk, backyard, 30 minutes of cartoon during dinner prep, and then, what used to be my only tasks after picking up the kids: cooking, cleaning, bathing, reading, and trying not to go insane while my children take turns needing everything when they are supposed to be sleeping. I am definitely feeling the "second shift" here, like I'm working two jobs. Elliot's energy and attention span are particularly trying...he runs from one thing to the next, and wears me out. I can't leave him in a room unattended unless the TV is on. He will find the one hazard slash danger slash fragile slash important thing to mutilate/spill/put in his mouth/destroy/take apart. And Kev's only home 2 nights a week now, and bedtime has sunken into the lowest pits of hell. All three kids are needing me and getting up and crying and teething and losing teeth and complaining about my parenting and waking up the child that just fell asleep and crying for their daddy when I feel like doing the exact same thing. Did I mention Ol's eating through the night?

And between the kindergarten apps, queries about summer camp, and work-related frustrations, I feel knackered. I was so very ready to throw my hands up on Friday, but tried something breathing, and put things in perspective. Here's what's going to get me to my vacation:

• Hearing - I'm now a part of the CMV community. Often I find it challenging to participate in these forums...our Elliot seems to be higher functioning than many cases (or at least the ones on the forum). The stories and challenges that some face are sobering. And sometimes, I feel them defeating me...with Elliot's tube coming out, I was convinced he was losing hearing in that ear. Hearing screen Thursday revealed that Elliot's hearing in his left ear hasn't changed since he was 6 months old. *whew*. I can't stop whispering to him, and enjoying his wide-eyes as he whispers a response. My focus on creating positive networks (yes, of typically developing children, mostly) has served us well. I'm not opposed to widening our circle, but in general, need other optimistic, realistic, and enjoyable people around me. I have ALWAYS been supported by my friends and family.
• Kindergarten - Ana is seen as a perfect fit at a program that I see as a perfect fit (curriculum-wise). I feel good about my search for a good school for her, and how it helped me "see" my child.
• Camp - I managed to find and afford a wonderful summer for Ana. This was eleventh hour insanity and some groveling, but she'll be with other peers having an amazing summer!
• Vacation... - It's finally coming together, and I feel good for throwing myself into the contest so wholly. I'm looking forward to that break when it comes!

Is it any wunda???(cue David Bowie) that I have found a collection of gray wiley hairs growing? I plucked 4 of them to Ana's fascination on the way to Bay St. Louis yesterday, and yet, there always seemed to be more. Things are just plain nuts right now but there's a lot of good beneath it all...and I've made some good things happen too, maybe at my own expense. But let me tell you people, that cabana boy better invest in a new pair of huarachi's (sp?) and stock up on some paper umbrellas cause mama's gonna have him walking some holes in his shoes with the fruity drinks come May.