Second Verse, same as the first

It seems like the lesson as a parent I keep revisiting, is to JUST WAIT OUT those developmental downswings...they usually precede a growth spurt...

but whilst my love Elliot was

• running and hiding under the house every time we were in the backyard (my respite)


• staring blankly


• mouthing his fingers deeply


• pinballing from activity to activity to activity


• shrill-y screaming


• pushing me away

all I could think was "Maybe this is as far as he goes," and "What is wrong with him???" and "What did I do wrong? What more could I have done?" This has gone on for about 6 months. I've struggled to even own it in my writing, but my worries have been a dark cloud overhead for some time now.

And like Cher slapping Nick Cage in "Moonstruck"--they just seem to SNAP OUT OF IT! Suddenly, there's my sweet boy again, doing a host of new things:

• swinging (holding ropes with two hands, walking backwards on his toes, and lifting off!)


• speaking in long sentences


• discussing sequence, and understanding his place/turn/order


• saying he has to potty**


• trying to dress and undress


• exhibiting gentleness with his baby brother


• asking for time with me, snuggling


• attending for longer periods of time
• Lefty whole hand grab and release! WOW!

I try to remind myself when my children are on "the upswing," that this is their developmental path--intense regression with leaping forward...and I need to keep that in mind as we look toward kinder with Ana. That worry and doubt and fear gets in the middle of the relationship, right when they need the most unconditional love and support (and of course, the frustration I feel makes me less included to be the patient mom I know I can be). I need to work to develop this perspective on their growth and development...the experience that helps me relax with all of Ollie's baby stuff, knowing what to expect. After all, this is what sharing a life is. And they are watching me pull in and out of the fog as I grow too.

We're all in this together. And we're all we've got.