Morning Sickness

Ana was up all night throwing up...literally vomitting about once and hour, usually after complaining that her stomach hurt. I was marginally worried that she might have an appendicitis, but given that lil' brother had vomitted that day before, I thought we'd just call her pediatrician in the am.

When I "woke up" I had the feeling that can only be described as morning sickness, at least my version where I feel like I need to throw up all day, but can't. When I went out to buy diapers, I had to resist the temptation to buy a pregnancy test. I must have what Ana and maybe El have...but the thought of being pregnant definitely fired my alarms in a way that it never has. Maybe this false alarm is meant to help Kevin and I make a decision about whether or not to expand the family. We've been dancing around it for a while, but my response to my own nausea seems to reinforce what I think has been back there for a while: I don't think I want to have another baby.

I've been trying to figure this out as we've been selling the kids' baby equipment off on craigslist. I was working through it and felt I'd made a decision, when Kevin expressed the possibility of another child in our brood at Starbucks waiting for a chai. I still am not sure about what I want. Part of me is ready to have some self back: sleep, clothes without stains, time, thinknig about my own goals... And yet, we enjoy our little people so, and sharing in their lives and growth has made us greedy? for more of that love.

I'm sure we'll have the conversation again soon. But for now, let's say I'm hoping I puke all night and then it's done with.

In any case, a call to the doc ensured me that we were looking at little more than a yucky 24 hour virus. After a suppository, Ana threw up only once more, but took a 5 hour nap at mid-day.

Here's to hoping we're all back to our version of normal tomorrow.