Elliot's Eyes

Elliot's opthamologist really frustrates me. After the last appointment, and hearing "this is bad" two times too many, we're back where we started with the "wait and see."

Last visit, the nurse dilated his eyes, the doctor checked El out, then requested further dilation. The second examination is when the doctor shared with me that because El's eyes turn in, it's likely one or both will deteriorate (blindness is associated with CMV. Yes, this is the next place my mind goes when I hear this). Then the "this is bad, this is bad." Then me saying, "could you be less cryptic? WHat do you mean BAD? Can we do something about it?" Then he, "Oh yes, glasses, or surgery." Then me, "That's not bad. If there's something we can do, that's not bad." He "Right. Come back in 3 weeks. We'll do all this without dilation."

GROAN. Because he couldn't have popped in before this circus to check him out pre-dilation. Because he admits that this dilation sometimes exacerbates the eyes' tendency to wander.

And so, Friday was three weeks later. No dilation. He, Hmmm. Not as bad as I thought. We can just watch her and see. Me, He. His name is Elliot, you F***. Last visit you said things were bad. I was worried. I don't understand. He, well I was worried. We'll just wait and see. Me, that's what you told us last year. That's where we were before our last visit. He, If this deteriorates, then we may have to do something, but I think we're OK for now.

@#$&*()@#*!!!!!

My friend Holly is always looking for good doctors, and it's not until she asks her questions, that I begin to question our choices. Is it too much to ask that the dolt remember my child's gender, for christsakes? I know Elliot is quite the doll, but shit. And of course, all the confused and contradictory determinations do nothing but strip away at my confidence in anything he says.

So we're looking for another pediatric opthamologist. Not that I won't keep my appt. with this guy in two months. We all deserve better. And because we have these kinds of relationships, with Elliot's pediatrician, with my allergist, with Kevin's GP, with El's therapy team, we know how this should work. And this is not it.