Katrina Anniversary

Is it any surprise that I develop a 24-hour intestinal flu on the eve of the 2 year anniversary Katrina? Over my adult life, I have developed some definite beliefs about my "body clock," but this example seems more extreme than my usual melancholy that comes before I realize why the date might have an embedded trigger...like "that's when Kevin's mom was dying," or "that's when Mom told me about her breast cancer." Maybe my temporary illness is unrelated to 'the season' but all my sensitive, woozy sadness on this rainy day gave me an excuse to really feel what I need to.

I stayed in pajamas today, working on pieces of grants from home. At some point mid-afternoon, I felt panicked about getting the children home. I just needed them closer than they'd been all day. While peeling shrimp for dinner, I cried into the discarded heads and tails, thinking about New Orleans two years ago...all the people who had lost their homes and lives. Of all the older citizens who died from the broken heart months later. Of my beloved school, and that piano that so many children learned to play on, that became waterlogged and useless.

Our evacuation had all the semblance of an extended vacation. Living in a house on the bay. Endless evening BBQs with family friends. Sunset pontoon trips to watch dolphins feed. An occasional jet ski...sounds lovely. Except for the part where we're glued to CNN, looking for any familiar site or face, trying not to become unglued for our hosts because it was all too painful. Or wondering if my new baby and I would have medical insurance since I'd lost my job. I remember seeing a former student listed as one of the missing children of the storm. She was in need of medication? Where were all my kids? I was sure that they were all over, having started out in the Superdome, most of them. Hopefully, they are all still alive.

I feel like I focus on our recovery almost every day. Kevin and I are active in our neighborhood. My work feels like a contribution to the efforts to rebuild our city, supporting parents who support so many different worthwhile efforts around NOLA. Focusing on the good of everyday citizens and the many grassroots efforts around here is absolutely essential to keep the crooked politicians, stagnated processes, and sheer economics from bringing you down.

But this year, I am going to allow myself some necessary grieving. For my home town and what it was, and for this tragedy that surely could have been avoided. I'll pick up the silver lining on the 30th.