Island Life, Here we Come

Our Homeaway Vacation Dream is coming true! We've booked the place and it is beautiful!
We took our passport photos, that I hope to scan into the blog.
We've purchased our tickets for departure in a few short weeks.
I'm taking Kevin's picture to get an online replacement of his dive card.
I'm calling American Airlines to let them know Olive will be on my lap.
I've purchased a Kelty framepack for Oliver to ride in at the airport and on hikes.

I'm researching our itinerary for the island, which will include:
several dive experiences
dolphin encounters for Ana and Elliot
horseback riding
snorkeling
tropical drinks
typical breakfast
oceanfront lounging
star gazing
deep breathing
belly laughing

And on the mainland:
I hope to meet my new 'niece' Crisella
I want to spend time with Tia Marta and Tio Yeto, Tia Thelma, Pamen, Hector Emilio & Maria Marta, Tio Eduardo, Tia Maria Teresa, Tio Rolando...I want to see how much Juan Alfredo, Hansie, Daniel, Rafael, Blanca, Ana Cecilia and Laura have grown.
I want to go to Copan Ruinas. The last time I was there, I was courting Kevin(-;
I want to eat sea bass on Lake Yojoa.
I want to take a day trip to San Antonio del Oriente.
I want to share my beautiful children with our beautiful family. I want them to fall in love with the land, the people, the traditions. I want to start a tradition of these visits...these were such a big part of my growth and development. I can't wait.

Built-in entertainment

Q: What's a stack of white cheddar cheez-its and a straw?

A: Paperwork and a pen, of course!

Q: What do you get when you add a pair of sunglasses and a piece of clay to the bathroom sink?

A: Groucho Marx, of course! (Or, in Ana's words: A funny man)

New point and shoot

BIG LOVE.

You make me wanna squeel!

Have I ever told you that when I talk to Oliver, he squeels, buries his head in my shoulder while grabbing my head with both hands, and then tries to eat me (while squeeling)???

That's exactly how I feel when I see him too.

X marks the spot.

Why does pacifist me LOVE love LOVE that my son is:

• pretending everything is a sword


• jutting these imaginary swords forward and growling, as fiercely as he can, "MY SWORD!"


• Argh-ing constantly


• Growling


• More arghing.

I absolutely love it. You, son, are my buried treasure.

Think big

On our way home from the library, carrying a really heavy bag, I was waiting for Ana to complain and ask pack-mule me to add the bag to my load...

Me: Just consider this practice for kindergarten, when you can bring home as many books from the library as you can carry.

Ana: As many as I can carry? (This, from the girl who on first site of Harrah's casino asked--"Is that the library?" Talk about a world with skewed values...)

Me: Yes. As many as you can.

Ana: Can you use your mouth?

Me (Laughing): Your mouth? I don't know. I think you'll have to ask the librarian.

Ana: That's the kind of thing I'm not comfortable asking other people. That's just for us.

Pink Shades from a Parade

Fairy Houses

Mine and Ana's backyard fascination now

Fairy houses in the background
Fairy Cafe

Our fairy mailbox (write on leave with sticks)

Last Weekend: Stennis Space Center & Bay St. Louis

Oliver at 6 months

Happy 1/2 Birthday!

Oliver is 6 months old today. And what a joy of a boy.

Notable:

• You're always smiling: you're temperment is gentle and joyful.
• You hold the gaze of any who talk to you
• Crinkling your nose when you smile (it captivates)
• Easy-going: you put yourself to sleep after about 60 seconds of fussing, then suck your thumb and go to sleep
• A mama's boy...I'm yours and you're mine. You reach for me now, always gazing while nursing. If I smile, you smile...
• Vocal--"mama" and "tita" are your first words (this week!), you're always playing with sound. You love to blow raspberries while nursing. This is very funny, but can be easily misunderstood in a crowd (I'm waiting for someone to offer me some Bean-o).
• You are so durn juicy! Roll upon roll of love. That hiney is so ridiculous...I love showing off your naked parts. I'm really sorry about this.
• No one believes you're only 6 months old. You're a chunk, sturdy, aware of what's going on around you.

Milestone moments:

• You're sitting up like a champ now.
• You show no interest in crawling.
• You like being up on your feet.
• You're now eating rice cereal, sweet peas, pears, and sweet potatoes (today). You so enjoy eating and trying new flavors--first grimace, then eyebrows, then eager sucking on the spoon. While eating,we need to give you a spoon for you to suck on because you always grab the one we're feeding with.
• You have two teeth in your lower gum.
• You laugh! And are so very ticklish--on your cheeks, your tummy, little arm pits...I love kissing your neck and hears and hearing you chortle.

Your peeps:

• You look at Ana like you look at me. Likewise, she treats you like I do with the exception of nursing.
• Elliot's like your play buddy. You shriek with joy when you see him, and he begins the baby talk. "Hi Ol-ver. Hey, Baby." Sometimes he copies your behaviors (which we don't like), but quickly gets back in Big Brother role with the right direction.
• I love having the three of you in bed with me, looking at a book. Seeing the three of you together is an amazing feeling.

Coming soon, by your first birthday:

International travel, an emerging curl, and Abe0na.

Financial Aid

It's not official, but it looks like we'll have enough aid to get this tuition within striking distance.

At the very least, the tuition will be the equivalent of a low-moderate Catholic school. And with such a good fit between child and curriculum and environment, there's no reason not to.

The paperwork will be sent off in the am.

*whew*

One down, two to go.

A bit whipped.

I don't know how long I can keep up this pace I've set for myself-

These days, I'm working 7-2:30 (feeding, pumping, & the rest of it beforehand). I used to sleep until 8 (bless Kevin for making breakfast) so this is a big change.

All in all, I like getting out so early, but with the preschool full of children until our oldest ones go to camp, I'm taking my two home when I leave at 2:30...preparing snack, planning an afternoon of activities--usually including some art experience, some science experience, one walk, backyard, 30 minutes of cartoon during dinner prep, and then, what used to be my only tasks after picking up the kids: cooking, cleaning, bathing, reading, and trying not to go insane while my children take turns needing everything when they are supposed to be sleeping. I am definitely feeling the "second shift" here, like I'm working two jobs. Elliot's energy and attention span are particularly trying...he runs from one thing to the next, and wears me out. I can't leave him in a room unattended unless the TV is on. He will find the one hazard slash danger slash fragile slash important thing to mutilate/spill/put in his mouth/destroy/take apart. And Kev's only home 2 nights a week now, and bedtime has sunken into the lowest pits of hell. All three kids are needing me and getting up and crying and teething and losing teeth and complaining about my parenting and waking up the child that just fell asleep and crying for their daddy when I feel like doing the exact same thing. Did I mention Ol's eating through the night?

And between the kindergarten apps, queries about summer camp, and work-related frustrations, I feel knackered. I was so very ready to throw my hands up on Friday, but tried something breathing, and put things in perspective. Here's what's going to get me to my vacation:

• Hearing - I'm now a part of the CMV community. Often I find it challenging to participate in these forums...our Elliot seems to be higher functioning than many cases (or at least the ones on the forum). The stories and challenges that some face are sobering. And sometimes, I feel them defeating me...with Elliot's tube coming out, I was convinced he was losing hearing in that ear. Hearing screen Thursday revealed that Elliot's hearing in his left ear hasn't changed since he was 6 months old. *whew*. I can't stop whispering to him, and enjoying his wide-eyes as he whispers a response. My focus on creating positive networks (yes, of typically developing children, mostly) has served us well. I'm not opposed to widening our circle, but in general, need other optimistic, realistic, and enjoyable people around me. I have ALWAYS been supported by my friends and family.
• Kindergarten - Ana is seen as a perfect fit at a program that I see as a perfect fit (curriculum-wise). I feel good about my search for a good school for her, and how it helped me "see" my child.
• Camp - I managed to find and afford a wonderful summer for Ana. This was eleventh hour insanity and some groveling, but she'll be with other peers having an amazing summer!
• Vacation... - It's finally coming together, and I feel good for throwing myself into the contest so wholly. I'm looking forward to that break when it comes!

Is it any wunda???(cue David Bowie) that I have found a collection of gray wiley hairs growing? I plucked 4 of them to Ana's fascination on the way to Bay St. Louis yesterday, and yet, there always seemed to be more. Things are just plain nuts right now but there's a lot of good beneath it all...and I've made some good things happen too, maybe at my own expense. But let me tell you people, that cabana boy better invest in a new pair of huarachi's (sp?) and stock up on some paper umbrellas cause mama's gonna have him walking some holes in his shoes with the fruity drinks come May.

Now for part 2.

Ana got in C0untry Day! I'm very excited, but tentative. We still need to learn about the financial aid.

Notification

I thought I'd be notified today about our top choice for Ana's kindergarten, but lo, the letters are only MAILED today. Argh!

Our big news today is that Elliot's hearing in his left ear is the same as it was when he was 6 months old. That is something to celebrate indeed. It really put my kinder anxiety into perspective for me.

Here's to more good news?

Notes from the mom of a five

This is not the big *drumroll please* moment where I announce Ana's new school. This is just the nuts and bolts behind our choices, just in case it might help someone else. I want to type this up before I'm biased tomorrow, when we are accepted or rejected at another program.

1SL (1nternational School of Lou1s1ana) was originally our first choice.
Pros: Spanish language immersion, diverse population (culturally, economically, not so much ability), FREE.

Cons: key administration still learning and creating; not as much of an issue with Ana (who can roll with the punches), more of a concern for Elliot; curriculum's only creative piece seems to be language. Nothing particularly innovative about the teaching.

Bottom line: I don't have the energy to "help create" a school, although this one would be a worthy candidate. It's hard enough to find "quality teachers." Add second language proficiency to the mix, and you substantially limit your pool.

Where we are: #62 on the waiting list. I'm told 1st grade is easier for entry (although I think it would be very challenging to be a new student amongst others already more fluent in the language). It is remotely possible that our number might come up.

************************************************************************************
C0untry Day was a non-choice until I remembered my limited experiences with the program through my friend Niki's work at their summer camp, and my former boss' work on their board.
After the tour, I was hooked.

Pros: mixed-age kindergarten (K-2) in the a.m.; contructivist approach; no grades--everything within a context (to me, the best segue from Reggio, where passion for learning is the motivator); amazing library; mealtime centered around relationships...

Cons: Cost (we will have to receive SIGNIFICANT financial aid); homogeny; big class differential that makes me wonder if our family will "fit"

Bottom line: This is my first choice. I can't reconcile my concerns about how comfortable I may or may not be vs. how well this curriculum suits MY child (not every child, and not all my children...ANA). This is a match for her.

Where we are: She's been tested (WPSI-III), we've had a playdate, they've visited her at AH, and tomorrow we learn about acceptance, and financial aid.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Before I enumerate our plan C- A word about the ISAS schools and their screening process (testing, play date, school visit): It makes sense if a school can afford it. Each part is one small piece; I hope that not too much weight is given to each piece for their sakes. With Elliot's special needs, I certainly wish that something like this were in place to give a full picture of who he is. Instead, he's a name, a social security number, and a list of "needs." And yes, he's a child. And my wish is that a school will want him because every child can learn and has value. We'll see how his process goes.
*************************************************************************************
Our other visits in a nutshell:

*St. Chr1stopher-Convenient, affordable, resource room for children with special needs to get help, warm. Traditional curriculum. This will be our first call if CD falls through. Another pro: Gabby & Alex attend.

St. Anth0ny of Padua- highly innovative Montessori program through 1st grade, diverse, low-to moderate tuition (high for us). "sacred" feel: very quiet (vs. joyful?) but kids were engaged. Admin balked at special needs question; not an option for a "family school" for us. Ana also more joyful and constructivist in her approach. No added value for the extra tuition.

St. Agn3s- My old school. Nothing has changed. Uninspired, unfortunately. Low tuition. Not an option.

St. Franc1s Xavier- Worksheets R us. Uninspired approaches, low to moderate tuition. Resource room for kids grade 1 and up (this teacher seems great). Needs a curriculum lift. Not a bad choice for the kids. Not excited about it.
************************************************************************************
Haven't visited & Here's Why:

H1ll School- I've heard great things about their program from credible sources; my concern is their desparate attempts at enrollment, and lack of chief admin. I wonder if they'll be around long, and who wants to do this again.

Haven't visited but wonder:
St. Ge0rge's- might be a good family school (resource room)...would need hefty scholarship.

H0ly Name- heard scary stories about how they teach "pro-life" values; otherwise low-to-moderate income + developmentally appropriate practice. Likely to give them a call if others fall through, but wonder if they've filled up already.

Other Option:
Enrolling Ana in Haze1 Park, where Elliot will likely attend. Public school; unsure of approach to curriculum. I need to visit.

Ready:
To occupy my free brain space with other thoughts.

CHange of mind

Elliot just said of his decision of a green popsicle:

Actually, I think I want yellow.

REALLY. (-;

Name Change

A: Mama, I wish my name was Erin.

Me: Why, baby?

A: Coz I want you to say, "Erin, it's time to run some errands."

Me (LOL): Is that the only reason?

A (nodding): Could you say that to me sometimes?

Kinder Roulette

Step right up, people. This is the greatest show on earth!

High Drama! Teeth-chattering suspense! Death-defying feats! All right before your very eyes!

On Thursday, we'll find out if our first choice for Ana's kindergarten will work out. Will she "be accepted???" Will our family still be able to buy groceries after the "tuition contribution?" Will she be scarred for life from this choice???

And if the answer to the first two is NO--
then,
-What will we do???
-Where will she go??? Which mediocre program will we sign up to join?
-What more could I have done??? Clearly, two choices is NOT enough???

And of course, the answer to number three, the "scarred for life" one, will never be YES.
Our daughter is confident, smart, creative, loving, and thoughtful.
No matter what happens with this schooling choice, this week or later this year, Ana will be fine.

Ana will be fine.

Of cementing teeth

I find myself struggling with one of my fundamental parenting beliefs coming to light. I've often said, maybe too casually, that "parenting is the process of letting go of your children over time."

Easy to say when two of my young children are essentially under my direct supervision every day, as charges in the childcare center I direct. They've been right there, with me, the Fly on the Wall, who'd buzz loudly when things could be better or different.

But things are definitely changing from within, and from without. I'm gonna need someone to hold my hand.

In this, the year that I turn 35,
-My oldest daughter will go to kindergarten. There was a dawning of her growth into another phase of her childhood around her 5th birthday last December. Despite the elongating of her features, and changing of her body, it was the cake with the bold number FIVE on it that screamed to me, "She's growing up, dummy!" Every day, just growing up. Around this whole period, I've learned so much about her...looking at SO many kindergartens that just wouldn't fit. I could feel their academic preparedness squeezing the creativity, and imagination, and Ana-ness out of her. Beyond the fear of not making the right choice for my little one, there is the fear of the move into big school itself. The move away from me, my eyes, my influence. Into a space that's all about her.

-This daughter of mine has lost a tooth. And the one next to it is wiggling. This was the tooth we watched grow a millimeter at a time. The one we celebrated, photographed, showed off, and brushed...the lone inhabitant of her gummy baby grin. I would rather her have cavities, I think, than proudly display the whole in her smile where her "baby tooth" used to be.

-My youngest boy, our wonderful surprise, has a tooth coming up in the same spot where Ana's jus fell out. And the tooth next to it is crowning. This is the tooth that we are watching grow, one millimeter at a time. The one we will celebrate, and photograph, show off and brush...the lone inhabitant of his gummy baby grin. *Sigh* Do you see where this is all leading?

-And my son Elliot, our lover and our fighter, will likely go to a program for 4 year-olds. He will be placed with typical 4 year old children in a school with a special needs preschool, in case he struggles too much. His teachers will have his IEP, and I'm to trust that it will be implemented. I will put him in the car, and I will bring him to his classroom, and I will leave him there for the day. Hopefully, someone will tell me what kind of day he had, what he learned, what therapies were implemented, if he made a friend. And I'm to trust that he is treated with compassion, that he will not be teased or harmed, that when he's stuck, someone will help him. When he can't hear, someone will notice. When he is sad, someone will care. The drive away from this place? I don't think I can make. I think I will be in the bushes, or apply to be the cafeteria lady. Almost everything I've done since Elliot has been about Elliot. And now, there he goes. And please don't tell me he'll be fine. And please don't tell me "parenting is slowly letting go of your children," because I won't be able to control my tongue. I don't know if I can let that baby go. I really really don't.

So what do I do, when cementing their teeth won't change this: they are growing, and moving slowly away from me. There is a hole in my smile.

4 headlines, 2 stories

Headlines:

• Ana's lost a tooth where Ollie is growing a new one. She's really growing a tad too fast for me these days.
• We're pulling together plans for summer camp for Ana.
• I successfully took the three kids out to eat. By myself. And had a nice time.
• Our plans for Honduras are almost finalized!

Stories:

-Elliot is pre-registered for a typical 4 year old class at Haze1 Park Elementary in River Ridge.

-I have no plan C for my daughter's kindergarten if plan B falls through. Feeling less on top of it than I was in early January.